N n Nest

"Still Life With Bird's Nests" by Van Gogh

This week we studied N n Nest and the words to remember were: "God takes good care of us".   Kindergarten is really making me dig deep.  Since we are choosing to indoctrinate our kids in our homeschool, we should probably make sure we believe the things we're teaching. But I find myself really struggling with those words to remember.

God takes good care of us...

Does he?  I haven't been feelin' it these last couple weeks.  Actually, I've been pretty angry.  I know I'm supposed to trust you, God, but  really, how am I supposed to do that when September 18th happened?

Most of the time I sidestep the doubts by giving myself Christian pep talks about that day five years ago and all those that have followed - "God has a plan", "Look at all the blessings that have come out of it", He's going to use this" - blah, blah, blah.  Lately I've found all that "God speak" totally irritating.  The pep talks just don't cut it when I'm completely worn down with suffering.  When I ache with a dearest friend over the crushing blow of infidelity.  When mental illness strikes again in the life of a neighbor and robs her family of everything.

Really?  You're taking good care of us?

When I put my life in your hands, God, and trust you with it all, how do you answer?  You take away my mind and make me a monster?! Make me nearly kill the baby I begged you for!  Why when I called for help on that day did no one answer?   And the months and months of deep, dark loneliness and not being able to see her... And the terrible shame... I am haunted by my vivid memory of every detail of that day and how I was so powerless to stop it.  You, All Powerful Creator, didn't stop it.  It all still hurts.  How am I'm supposed to trust?

Sometimes the scars of that day are all I can see - how Nora and I are both permanently and horribly marked.

Sometimes I'm a spiritual toddler.  I've thrown quite a few temper tantrums when I've been by myself this week.

.....

But relief is coming.  At the end of this week I don't have any answers to my questions.  I can't easily and joyfully proclaim that God is good, though I am choosing to believe it - or I am being enabled to believe it. The pain is still very much on my mind and I've cried every day thinking about it.  But every day there have also been glimmers of truth available to me to hold on to and rebuild.

…That which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave.”  -A.V.
  

Here are the pictures from our week...

grouping similar things together

matching pictures of animals with their homes

sleeping bears math game (thanks BJ and Rachel!)

handwriting stations

Our Halloween Day picnic at the park was a lot of fun.  Claire dozed off on Nora's shoulder during the trip home.

Halloween dinner - "hot dogs in a costume" were a big hit.  I love that they had little hats that come on and off.

She's just so capable.  That's a steak knife, folks.

Making the Cat's hat

Thing 1 decided she just had to be a princess riding a horse after spotting him at a thrift store.  I had to step in at the last minute as Thing 1 since the Cat wanted a complete entourage.

She's trying so hard to hold that ridiculous hat up.  Maybe next year we'll stick to 100% store bought costumes!